


a million lifetimes and the only one i want is with you

by jumu



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Familiars, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Period-Typical Homophobia, Tags Are Hard, Vampire Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumu/pseuds/jumu
Summary: "I think we were somewhere... between friendship and love. At least, we had been for a time. It was like a dance between the two of us that only you and I knew. Except when the song came to an end, I found that there was nothing more that I wanted to do than follow you until the end of time."lonely vampire tabi and his animal sidekicks have human outcast g.d. fall onto their doorstep. tabi takes him in for fear of the poor human turning out just like him.
Relationships: Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P./Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon
Kudos: 11





	a million lifetimes and the only one i want is with you

**Author's Note:**

> hi kids
> 
> this is just a lil thing i wrote for a creative writing class. i loved it enough to unleash it upon the general masses and it is kind of my baby so while i will accept concrit note that it will make me cry. ik its trash but i want someone else to enjoy it too. there is a disclaimer (sort of) at the end but since it isnt essential to read before the fic i've moved it to unobstruct your reading
> 
> thank you and (hopefully) enjoy
> 
> based on the following prompt:  
> day after day, year after year, he said nothing of his affection. "i am in love with you," he whispered to the headstone before him.

It had been too long a time since Tabi had come to visit him. The days and weeks without him had whisked his mind away, a hurricane of emptiness he had never thought possible, until the days became years and he realized where they had gone. It was not enough to say that time hadn’t concerned him. More accurately, it was that every day that he spent now without his companion was vapid and soulless. It was all he could to do sit idly by, watching, waiting for something-- or someone-- that was never to return.

He tried so hard to bask in the beauty of this place. The willow tree’s cascading vines were billowing softly in the wind, making the softest sound in the dusk air. It smelled like spring. It very well could have been. Tabi hadn't paid much attention lately; the cold winter that had settled back into his heart was too busy building its sky high dunes of ice and snow.

Beneath the willow tree, there was a simple mound of stones. It was something you would assume was piled together without purpose, just to simply be the neat, orderly tower that nestled itself between the two large roots of the willow tree. Tabi knew otherwise, of course. He was the one that had placed it there.

He lowered himself gracefully to sit with his legs crossed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He had brought a single daisy for the man he had buried here. Any more would have been too much, but he knew that they were his favorite. He leaned it carefully on the side of the stones before drawing back again, closing his eyes.

It was so hard. Even now, years later, it was so difficult to be without him. He had been his first and only human friend, the only one willing to look past his status as a vampire. He was something special, something Tabi had never seen nor experienced before. It was the very least to say that he had broken a lot of the walls in Tabi’s heart and made it a place where he would always stay. Tabi had gotten so used to him that after his death it was as if he had to learn how to live in his own home again. Even now, the quiet that had once comforted him behind the gates of the manor was deafening, echoing in the shattered confines of his heart, and for the umpteenth time he wished that things could be different.

"I think it is time to put this all to rest," he said after a while. "I know you can hear me, somewhere, somehow. Or maybe that is wishful thinking, and all of the things I wish to say will die here." He pulled at the grass in front of him, eyes shifting to the ground.

“What exactly am I supposed to do without you? It’s been so many years and yet the answer still seems just beyond my grasp. I lived long before you and will live long after, but it seems that my mind is stuck in the few short years that I spent in your company. Even Charlie and Sun seem lost in your absence. Something like that is kind of ridiculous, don’t you think?” Tabi laughed sadly, plucking a flower from the grass. He pulled one petal off, placing it at the base of the makeshift headstone, before he continued.

“It’s strange, don’t you think? You were a fire that this village had chased to my doorstep, and I took you in because I saw myself in you. I saw the way this godforsaken place threw you aside, and I dreamed for you to not end up like me, locked up and utterly alone in a place you could never escape. Even if it was in this prison of mine… it would be better to be two lonesome men together than two lonely men trapped in cages and left to rot by the people. You came to understand that. But, I think that even though I was the one who offered you salvation, you ended up being the one who saved me instead."

Tabi tilted his head back to look at the tree above him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go through with this. Putting it off like he had for all this time wouldn't make it any easier, though, and the chance for the other man to hear his confessions and respond had long passed. It wasn't certain that he would ever hear what Tabi said, even as he sat here and began speaking. He would just have to hope that this was important enough to cross the veil.

"I think we were somewhere... between friendship and love. At least, we had been for a time. It was like a dance between the two of us that only you and I knew. Except when the song came to an end, I found that there was nothing more that I wanted to do than follow you until the end of time."

"You were gone so quickly. I wish there was more that I could have done for you, to keep you from dying. But they found us here, even when I had promised…" Tabi trailed off, his throat closing up as he closed his eyes. He hadn't stopped them, and they killed the person he had grown to love. The clock to come clean about how he felt hadn't just run out. It had stopped, shattered, been destroyed, and his heart had broken alongside it. Day after day, year after year, he said nothing of his affection. "I am in love with you," he whispered to the headstone before him.

Once upon a time, there lived a rather ancient, gangly vampire. He lived in a friendly yellow-toned house upon the hill, the village he lived near sprawling in the distance. Its cushioned bay windows and large rooms had watched nearly as many sunsets upon the hill as he had. The iron gates stood as tall as a mountain, an impenetrable wall barring the outside world from his paradise.

While this house was his home, it was also his prison. It was a beautiful place, one that kept him safe from the outside world, but staying in this place every day and night was never truly his choice. Tabi could never have called himself a cliché vampire. He was never worried about the passage of human life, how fleeting their years seemed to be compared to the endless world that he and his house lived in. If given any sort of choice, he would befriend the people that flitted around the village below. The humans, however, cared much more about time than he did.

Being timeless was not something very many humans seemed to understand. As the saying goes, people are afraid of what they do not understand. It was much less like the films they made these days, Tabi thought. There were no mobs, no torches or pitchforks, and most certainly no screaming. Rather, the village people tended to fall silent as soon as he were to get within sight of them. They would stare at him with unmasked judgement in their eyes and whisper as he would walk around town. Anyone he would try to speak with would stiffen uncomfortably, never looking up to meet his eyes.

Needless to say, the village was rather unwelcoming. As the years passed, Tabi grew less and less willing to try and share himself with the villagers. If he was to be shunned behind a wall of judgement, he thought that at the very least he should be comfortable behind a wall of his own.

He resolved to shut himself away in his home. For a couple hundred years, he remained behind its colorful walls, collecting all manners of beautiful and curious things to entertain himself. Countless paintings and sculptures adorned its halls, hanging from almost every wall and balanced on numerous tables and mantles. Only sometimes did he ever consider what it would be like with someone else around, but quickly reminded himself that it was simply not meant for him. He was never lonely anyway; he had two somewhat magical creatures to keep him company, and sometimes even they were too much.

It was one of those simple days in Tabi’s house. He was reading comfortably in the upstairs lounge, his two beloved animal companions resting peacefully beside him on the couch. 

His oldest familiar was Charlie. He was an orange short-haired Cocker Spaniel nearly as old as Tabi himself, and had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. Currently, Charlie had tucked himself away into the side of a rather large calf. The calf was white with brown ears and speckles on the bottom of his legs and was much younger than Charlie. His name was Sun, and his normally large, glassy eyes were closed as he and Charlie napped beside him.

Ah, how much he loved his animals. They were his only companions, his most trusted confidants. They too were destined to live in a state of unaging suspension for all eternity, and it made the friendship between them that much easier. It was a slow, dreamlike world that until that day only the three of them occupied.The sun had begun dipping beyond the horizon when it all began. Charlie awoke very suddenly from his nap, lifting his head to stare out the nearby window that overlooked the front of the property. When the Spaniel began growling, Tabi quickly placed his book on the end table and shuffled towards the window. He knew that for Charlie to be upset, he must have sensed something beyond the gates of Tabi's manor.

Something grim curled in the hollow of his chest as Tabi watched the world outside. In the distance, he saw a figure struggling to run, their head bobbing as they stumbled. A group of people followed behind them, and the gleam of silver in their midst told him that they were armed. He wasn't sure what washed over him, but Tabi fled his study in a blind stupor, bounding down the mahogany stairs with the comforting thud of hooves and paws behind him pushing him to move faster.

Within moments he had reached the edge of his oasis. The gates screamed in agony as he pushed them open, the metal having gone unshaken for decades. He moved faster than most people, but not enough to be considered supernatural. He hoped he was fast enough.

Rhe running figure now lay on a bed in a spare room, passed out cold. Tabi hadn't needed to fight off his pursuers. For once, they had done much like the people in the films do and ran away with eyes blown wide in shock and fear. The runner had gawked, too, but instead of running away he had promptly fainted, leaving Tabi to drag him into the safety of the manor.

Carrying the man to his house had been the easy part. Tabi was a tall and strong vampire, he knew that for certain. But, after he had checked him over and discovered his only problems were some rather large gashes, he was wondering what he was supposed to do with the running man now. Tabi was, of course, rather against using him as a food source, especially because the man would most likely live.

He much preferred "normal" food. Yet another thing that the villagers never understood: blood doesn't actually taste that good. Sure, it felt better and was probably more nutritious for him, but human food came in so many flavors and varieties that he didn't care if blood was supposed to be healthier or not. He found the experience comparable to a child being forced to eat brussel sprouts and broccoli, except this child abandoned the disgusting taste of blood for much more preferable noodles and cakes.

The man would probably be unwilling to stay, but Tabi wasn't so sure he should let him leave even if he begged. On the return to the mansion, he had spotted one of those now cliché "wanted" posters with a sketch that would look very similar to the running man had his face been unmarred. Turning him in for a reward would be nice, regardless if Tabi needed it or not. More of that awful human money to buy curiosities with. But, as he very well knew, someone could be wanted for very unreasonable things.

Tabi had still not decided by the time tomorrow had rolled around. As if by magic, the man regained consciousness that day. He awoke in a very strange manner. He did not scream or try to get up. His eyes opened and he sat in silence for a few minutes, and briefly Tabi wondered if something more than some heavy slicing happened to him. Then, the man very suddenly sighed, and turned his head to face Tabi.

"Friend or foe? Are you with them? Should I be begging for my own life," he deadpanned. There was a small twinge of fear in the corners of his eyes as he asked Tabi this. He could only assume that "them" meant the group of angry men that had been following him, or whoever had sent them in the first place. Tabi couldn't help but wonder if he thought an enemy would bother taking care of him like this.

"No, I'm afraid I'm very simply the strange man on the hill." The man made a noise of indignation before closing his eyes again. Tabi was itching to ask each of his million questions, but he knew he should be careful. It was probably best to try and get the dangerous, unknown part of this man's sudden appearance out of the way first. Tabi pulled a piece of paper out of his coat pocket, unfolding it carefully, before he spoke again.

"I know it is not the most opportune time, but I was wondering what this is all about. Just if I should be worried about the stranger I brought into my home trying to kill me or something of that sort." Tabi lifted the poster he had taken from the woods, shaking it so the man would look at it.

At first, he just peeked out of one eye. Then, when he saw what it was, both opened and he stared at the ceiling. The man's eyes went cold, his fingers clenching at the bed sheets. His jaw was set hard and Tabi knew it had struck a nerve. He sat up, folding over in weakness and cradling his own bandaged arm. He was about to take back his words when the man spoke.

"I suppose if you don't know, then you must not be part of them at all," he spat. "Let's just say the mayor of this dastardly town isn't too fond of the farmer boy his son fell in love with."

Tabi nodded in understanding, shifting uncomfortably in the doorway. He was more than aware of the village's tendencies to be rather… conservative. But to put out a bounty on someone's head, someone that committed no crime but to love another? To chase and scar and beat another person for that? Even that was a little dramatic for the otherwise sleepy village.

It was a little ridiculous, but even in the freezing confines of his heart, Tabi couldn’t help but feel bad for the man. Could he even safely let him go now? Would he just be found again, to be dragged away and thrown into a cage for the rest of his life? Even as pretty as he made it, Tabi's own self-imposed cage became too small sometimes. He couldn't possibly in good consciousness allow that to happen to someone if he could help it. He tilted his head to the floor for a minute, then raised it again, sighing.

"I suppose you are free to go, if you wish. I’m sure there’s rumors that I’m a loon or a murderer, but I assure you I am just a mere hermit. My home is a place of solitude and I can assure you that none of the townspeople ever come up here." On purpose, at least, he thought to himself. "This is a terrible tragedy, and I hope that at least one day you are able to reunite with him."

The man's eyes softened at his words, his hands dropping back to play with the sheets. Sadness flickered through them as he seemed to think for a moment. After a while, he flopped back onto the bed and rolling to face away from Tabi.

For what little socialization he had, Tabi knew this meant the conversation was over, and so he left the man alone.

It was several days before he saw the man again. At first, he had assumed that he had simply run away, or maybe he had died in that room and Tabi should have paid more attention to him. But since he knew he had used whatever remnants of vampire magic he had to try and heal the man’s wounds, he knew he was probably okay. So he simply concluded that the man had left, and went on his merry way. That was, until he was eating dinner peacefully in the main lounge, and the other man walked through the archway.

For a while, the man simply stood there. He wasn’t really watching Tabi. Instead, he was staring meekly at the floor. Tabi kept an eye on him out of the corner of his eye, but his main focus was still the book in his lap and the noodles he had made in front of him.

It was only when Tabi finished his meal that the man came closer. He slowly sat on the couch opposite Tabi, running his hands nervously down his thighs. Tabi peeked up at him for a moment before he deciding the other man was choosing his words, and kept reading.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” the man said. It was quiet and slow, like he wasn’t certain of his words and was scared someone would hear. His head was still pointed at his lap, but Tabi made an effort to fully look at him. He closed the book and set it aside, giving the man his best impression of a reassuring smile.

It was another long while before the man spoke again. This time, he seemed more certain of his words. But even then, admitting that he and the mayor's son had fallen apart long before the mayor had found out about them, he spoke in a rush like the words had burst out of him in a sea of desperation.

"He lived in fear of him, you know, and then one day he said to me 'G.D., loving you is not worth losing my father.' Imagine saying that to someone who was ready to give up everything for you." He seemed to choke on his words, tears quickly collecting in the corners of his eyes. "And then his father found out, and even if it was over, he couldn't have me lurking in his beloved town if there were a remote possibility that I could tarnish his family name. So there's a bounty on my head and a gang of the mayor's cronies chasing after me at all times."

The man-- G.D.-- was shouting at this point, his fingernails pressed tightly into the fabric of his tattered pants. His eyes flickered like fires full of sorrow, and Tabi couldn’t help but feel bad for him. It felt much like his own experiences with the town. Rejection was an awful feeling, and to be tossed aside by someone you had shared your heart with… Tabi couldn’t even begin to imagine.

“And how ridiculous it all seems to be, blurting out all of this to the town ghoul after he saved me from my assailants? I’m not sure if you put me under some sort of spell or something, but this is crazy. They always said you were some kind of monster,” he chuckled darkly, as if all of these years of persecution and rumor to Tabi’s name had amounted to a very unseemly joke. Tabi’s jaw hardened as he sat straighter in his seat.

“We both know how the village people can be.”

It was several more days before he saw the man again. He had to assume that the other was sneaking food in the night or something of that sort, because as far as he knew there was no way that a human could live this long without food.

Tabi was sitting in his upstairs lounge again. The one he had spotted the man and his pursuers from originally. He was reading peacefully as he normally did, his animals tucked away in some cranny somewhere else in the mansion. It was nearly night time. The golden glow of the sun bathed the room in the most beautiful light, and Tabi had to say it was one of the most beautiful parts of this house.

He had just turned a page when G.D. came in. This time, he didn’t stop, instead walking directly to the chair farthest from Tabi that was still amongst those surrounding the coffee table he had. He plopped down unceremoniously before pulling his legs up onto the chair. It made him look rather small. Tabi shook his head and went back to reading.

They sat in silence for a while, G.D. watching Tabi as he read. The other man sighed once, but Tabi didn’t pay any mind to it. He might have wanted something. Or maybe he just needs something to do? Sitting in the room downstairs all by himself had to be fairly uninteresting.

“If you want, you can pick a book and read it.” Tabi gestured at the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves all around the room. “I have lots of different genres and I’m sure you’d be able to find something you like.”

G.D. seemed to consider it for a moment. He must have decided he had nothing better to do, and went off in search of a book. In about ten minutes he had returned to his seat, curled up in the same fashion as before and clutching an art book. Tabi smiled and returned to his own book, and the two read together in silence well into the night.

By the time that a full month had passed, the two were no longer just reading together. At first it was just wandering the halls, Tabi sharing stories about his art collection while G.D. listened and laughed. Then, they began taking walks in the mornings. They’d sometimes go down to the cluster of willows, down to the stream on the far end of the property, or just follow the fence wherever it leads them. Sometimes they would talk about everything and sometimes simply nothing.

On this particular day, Tabi had taken some food from the kitchen for them to enjoy. G.D. had lead him to the willow grove, and Tabi had happily placed the bag on the ground. G.D. smiled at him before laying on the ground and pulling out a sandwich from the bag.

“So what did you do for the village to convince you to shut yourself away like this?” G.D. wiped the crumbs away on his pants and looked at Tabi. Tabi tilted his head down, placing the sandwich on top of the bag so it wouldn’t get dirty. He swallowed heavily, then sighed before responding.

“Well, that would have to be because they ignorantly believe that a creature of the night like myself is out to kill every single last one of them,” he mumbled. He felt rather than saw G.D.’s eyes widen, so he decided to continue before he fled the manor and never came back.

“Something you humans just don’t understand is that blood tastes downright awful. I’m sure you’ve had the displeasure of getting a cut on your lip before, and you know it tastes like someone dropped a hot coin on your tongue. Being a vampire doesn’t change the feeling of absolute disgust, and frankly even after the first decade I was already exhausted of blood.”

“I can eat other food, you know? Just like I am right now. It’s akin to eating nutritionally incomplete food, like if you ate only cakes and chips and sweets. I shouldn’t necessarily live off of it, but since I can’t truly die I much prefer the tastes of normal food.” Humans were so ridiculous sometimes, he thought.

G.D. had, thankfully, sat through the entirety of his speech, and sat there with his mouth in a little “o” shape. It was another few moments before he finally broke. The other man shook his head, a smile growing on his face and a laugh bubbling in the back of his throat. 

“So you’re essentially a spoiled upper class child who refuses to eat his vegetables?”

Tabi smiled softly at him and whispered, “Exactly like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> the not quite disclaimer:
> 
> please be aware that i cannot necessarily be called a vip. i love jiyong, daesung, seunghyun and youngbae, and i enjoy a lot of their music, but i only follow them from an outside perspective rather than as a fan of their group. this means you must keep in mind that the personalities exhibited by tabi and gd are my limited interpretations of them molded with the story that i had in mind and are in no way representative of their actual personalities, relationships, or desires. their names were changed to "tabi" and "g.d." to be more digestable for my audience, which was an english teacher in midwestern usa who would probably like at least one degree of separation from the fact that this is fanfiction.
> 
> have a nice day <3


End file.
